Forgiving & Forgetting

Lately, Iv'e been reading this amazing blog called Black Girl In The City. blackgirlinthecity.wordpress.com . Recently, she published a post called Karmic Lesson 1.1: Understand forgiveness. Here is an excerpt of what the gist of this post includes:

"I’ve learned a lot more about forgiveness. I used to say, “I will forgive but I won’t forget so you won’t do me again.” I’ve changed my position and really think now that the statement is false. If you don’t forget what someone has done, how can you really forgive them? What happens when people keep doing you and you build layers of memories that you refuse to let go of, thus keeping your guard.

I imagine it to be like something that grows harder and denser over time due to the layers added. That’s enough to weigh the strongest man down. So…how can you live and enjoy your life posted up behind some crusted nonsense of things you really need to forget so you can forgive? It’s time to free my damn self lol."

Reading that makes me realize that I am in a part of my life where I am very torn. All of my life I've been used and when I turned that part of me off, people were easily to say that I was mean and it was ways for me not to allow people to take advantage of me without being mean etc etc etc. At this point I feel like if I don't want to forgive you and I want to forget you, that is totally fine with me. Than that is an issue I need to deal with. But honestly, I am very tired of living by other people's standards. If I say I forgive you but I wont forget what you did, it just makes me more aware of what I will be willing to do for you or say to you or whatever the case may be that caused you to cross the line with me in the first place. I am a very giving and loving person but through my experiences in life, I have learned that just because you have the best intentions, don't mean that other people do. If someone shows you their true color except them for who they are. Now I will admit that I will completely cut people off if they hurt me and I do understand that people are not perfect and do make mistakes. But because of the way things tend to lay in my lap, people will continue to make mistakes with me on purpose sometimes. As far as relationships go, I definitely know that I have a habit of forgiving and not forgetting and in this case, it does mean I never forgave. 2 previous relationships come to mind and I know I haven't forgiven them simply because the way things unfolded. I was blatantly used. Nothing more and nothing less. I loved these 2 dearly and never meant anything to them. So honestly, I never forgave or forgot. Another example, I never forgave my dad for the BS he has put me through but very easily I forgot him. I don't necessarily believe that I am "build[ing] layers of memories that you refuse to let go of, thus keeping your guard." I let go of it all when I let go of the person or the situation. I do understand where BlackGirlInTheCity is coming from, but maybe I am just stubborn. What I do feel is that I am less willingly to meet new people and that I am constantly exing out people that I already know.


My biggest concern is that, things like this, such as forgive and forget, is this an attempt to appease your soul, make yourself feel better, or because in God's eyes, it's the right thing to do.